


Enby and Proud

by StarlightXNightmare



Category: Real life - Fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-22
Updated: 2018-11-22
Packaged: 2019-08-27 14:16:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16704025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarlightXNightmare/pseuds/StarlightXNightmare
Summary: Yeah, I know, I'm literally coming out in letter form haha





	Enby and Proud

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, I know, I'm literally coming out in letter form haha

To whom it may concern,

This mainly goes out to family and friends, but if you’re a follower of mine (or even someone who enjoys the content I create) then this concerns you as well. I have something I need to get off my chest that I’ve only explicitly told a few people and I don’t really know how to bring it up IRL, so here’s this in letter form.

My name’s  ** _not_**  Margaret. I’m Roux and I’m  _ **not**_  a  ** _girl_**.

Betcha you weren’t expecting that. Or maybe you were. (Ha ha Tumblr folks already know this shit.) Yeah, that’s right, I’m coming out in a letter via writing websites and social media. But here’s the part that may confuse some of my family, friends, and followers.

I’m enby. Don’t know what that means? That’s fine. I’ll explain. Enby is nonbinary. That means I don’t identify as a girl or a boy. I use they/them pronouns. But not everyone is comfortable with being referred to as “enby,” so you should ask before calling them that, but I digress.

How, you may ask, are you not a girl or a boy? Simple.

It feels wrong. You can’t call a bird a cat. You can’t call a bird a dog either. You can’t call me a girl or a boy because it’s not true. I’m not either. Let me explain in further detail.

A couple of months ago I started questioning whether I really was a girl or not. Somewhere in summer break. Just passing thoughts. 

“Oh, my name sounds too feminine.”

“I don’t like having big breasts.”

“Calling myself a girl feels weird.”

“Why was I happy being called a boy?”

“I never want to give birth/I want to get my tubes tied.”

“Maybe if I started binding then people wouldn’t know I was a girl?”

“Why do I get uncomfortable when people call me feminine nicknames/titles?”

“They could tell I was a girl right off the bat? Do I really look that feminine?”

Mainly these questions would crop up when I was on walks, changing, in front of mirrors, talking to people, or writing. Then small things started happening.

 **1.**  I grew to despise my name even more. 

 **2.** I’ve grown so uncomfortable being referred to as a girl that it dampens my mood for a long time. Possibly the rest of my day and the feeling lingers. I’m still thinking about that time on Halloween where a woman knew right off the bat I was a girl with my short hair slicked back and a mask on. Or the times where the teachers at school say “ladies” or “girls” or “young women.”

 **3.** I started referring to myself as they/them in my writing. She/her didn’t feel right to me and they/them did. 

 **4.**  I didn’t refer to myself as Margaret. I was always choosing new nicknames and monikers for myself.

 **5.**  I daydreamed about choosing new names or appearing completely gender neutral and binding my chest.

I was wondering if I was agender or nonbinary but I shoved those thoughts back. Thought I should find out more before labeling myself. Recently I finally came to the conclusion I’m nonbinary. I came out to my oldest sister (who said she and my other older sister had been suspecting this), my three best friends, and my followers on Tumblr. Nobody else. (Well, and my therapist. She and I talked about some stuff Tuesday.) And since I know my mom knows and checks my Quotev profile, I’m posting this. I’m thinking about printing this letter out and sending it to the rest of my family as well.

**What can you all do?**

Use my correct pronouns please. And call me Star or Roux or whatever. Not Margaret. Don’t ever call me that.

 **For my family who probably won’t understand this:**  ask me about it. I’m still confused right now but I probably know more about it than you do. If you don’t respect me and my identity then we’re gonna have some problems. Like “I won’t trust you ever, you make me very uncomfortable, and I won’t want and won’t try to visit you” problems. But this is mainly directed towards my family on my dad’s side and my grandparents on mom’s side. And dad (if he ever visits and finds out lmao but I’d rather him never know because he doesn’t seem tolerant of that).

We cool? We good? Great. Happy Thanksgiving y'all.

(Mom when you see this, talk to me about it. Don’t fucking out me to your parents when I’m not ready. I know you tell them everything. D o n ’ t .)

**_TLDR: Not a girl, not a boy. I’m enby and my name is Roux. If you don’t respect me and my identity, block me/don’t talk to me/disown me. :)_ **

**Author's Note:**

> That feels much better. Thanks for reading this if you made it this far.


End file.
